Self-Esteem

How Low Self-Esteem Can Show Up

Low self-esteem does not always look like sadness. In children, it may appear as giving up quickly, avoiding new activities, harsh comments about themselves or a constant need for reassurance. Teens may measure themselves against peers, steer clear of anything they might fail at, change themselves to fit in or react strongly to criticism.

Adults may downplay their accomplishments, brush off compliments, put everyone else’s needs first or stay quiet about what they want. At any age, a persistent inner critic can make successes hard to enjoy and mistakes hard to let go.

Where Beliefs About Ourselves Come From

How people see themselves is shaped by experience: the messages they heard growing up, how others responded to their mistakes, struggles at school, bullying, constant comparisons, family changes, relationships and trauma. A child who hears frequent criticism may come to believe it. An adult who was rarely encouraged may never have learned to notice their own abilities.

These beliefs can feel like facts, yet they were learned, which means they can be examined. Counseling offers a place to look at where a belief came from and whether it still fits who the person is today.

Recognizing Strengths Without Ignoring Struggles

A strengths-based approach, which is part of how Infinity’s therapists describe their work, pays close attention to the abilities, values, relationships and resources a person already has. This is not empty praise or forced positivity. It means noticing real evidence, such as a time someone handled something hard, a skill they have built or the care they show others, and using it as a foundation for change.

Struggles still receive attention. The goal is balance: seeing the whole person rather than only the parts that feel broken.

What Counseling Can Focus On

Depending on age and goals, you and your clinician might work on:

• 01Noticing self-critical thoughts and asking whether they are accurate or fair
• 02Practicing kinder, more balanced ways of talking to yourself
• 03Identifying strengths, values and interests that are easy to overlook
• 04Setting small, achievable goals and noticing progress
• 05Communicating needs clearly and setting healthy boundaries
• 06Working through experiences that shaped painful beliefs

Supporting a Child or Teen at Home

Parents and caregivers can support self-esteem by praising effort and specific actions rather than only results, avoiding comparisons with siblings or peers, and letting young people take on challenges that are hard but manageable. Listening without rushing to fix things, and speaking about your own mistakes with kindness, also shows a healthy way to handle imperfection. The counseling for teens page has more on supporting adolescents.